“. . . you worked for Harry King, they said, because a broken leg was bad for business, and Harry King was all about business.”

“The cigar made its traverse from one side of Harry King to the other. He was known to dote on his daughters, who he felt had rather suffered from having a father who needed to take two baths just to get dirty.”

“Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.”

“I notice you didn't laugh, Mr. Black!''No, Your Majesty. We are forbidden to laugh at the things kings say, sire, because otherwise we would be at it all day.”

“The only thing known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle. He reasoned like this: you can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queons -- that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.”

“I’m a witch. It’s what we do. When it’s nobody else’s business, it’s my business.”

“Ridcully was to management what King Herod was to the Bethlehem Playgroup Association.”