“I have to face the fear. I have to take control of the situation and find a way to make it less frightening.”

“Simulation Tobias kisses my neck.I try to think. I have to face the fear. I have to take control of the situation and find a way to make it less frightening.I look Simulation Tobias in the eye and say sternly, “I am not going to sleep with you in a hallucination. Okay?”Then I grab him by his shoulders and turn us around, pushing him against thebedpost. I feel something other than fear—a prickle in my stomach, a bubble of laughter. I press against him and kiss him, my hands wrapping around his arms. He feels strong. He feels…good.And he’s gone.I laugh into my hand until my face gets hot. I must be the only initiate with this fear.”

“I have always loved to use fear, to take it and comprehend it and make it work and consolidate a situation where I was afraid and take it whole and work from there.”

“If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened.”

“Have me," they said, and there was no stopping them. They were frightened, no question, but they were not afraid of me. It was a fear of messing up and having to face themselves again, and facing the world, and the likes of you. There was nothing I could do.They had too many ways, they were too resourceful - and when they did it too well, whatever their chosen method, I was in no position to refuse.”

“I fear being like everyone I hate, I fear failure, I fear losing control. I love balancing between chaos and control with everything I do. I always have a fear of going one way or another, getting lost in something, or losing everything to get lost in. And I fear being a completely acceptable sheep in society.”