“Liberty doesn’t work as well in practice as it does in speeches.”

“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”

“The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”

“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”

“There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.”

“There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”

“Plans get you into things but you've got to work your way out.”