“I kept waiting for something bigger, something more profound, something that I could hitch myself to and be carried away once and for all to the heaven-on-earth that I deserved. I kept struggling for control, which was really a demand for everything I wanted--peace, happiness, love, perfection--all at once, right now, and for all time. I wanted life to be perfect, always. And when it wasn't, which was most of the time, I got really anxious, and when I got anxious, I started thinking about how good it would feel to get high again. ”

“Besides, the angels lived in heaven forever and that was a long time, so I imagined things got boring up there after a while. It was scary to think about living forever with nothing to do ”

“I almost wish I had cancer. Then I’d either beat it or die from it. But my disease, even if successfully treated, will never go away. And it might not kill me. But it will hang over me like the blade of a guillotine; more threatening inert than if the blade suddenly slips and mercifully turns out my lights. This is my war to end all wars.”

“The city was waking up to another day. I hadn't slept or changed my clothes in six days. ”

“And now I feel like crying, because I really do not understand, and I don't think I will when I'm older either. It was only when I loved Franz I understood the world, and felt happy. When you love, you're praying. Everything was quite clear. I wanted to be good. I think you begin things the right way when you want to be good. And I think I'm doing everything wrong now because all I want is for people to be good to me. I want to be loved, everybody wants to be loved; for a thousand people who want to be loved there may perhaps be just one who wants to love. Our Father which art in heaven...my heart is all a lump of grief.”

“At lunchtime I bought a huge orangeThe size of it made us all laugh.I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—They got quarters and I had a half.And that orange it made me so happy,As ordinary things often doJust lately. The shopping. A walk in the parkThis is peace and contentment. It's new.The rest of the day was quite easy.I did all my jobs on my listAnd enjoyed them and had some time over.I love you. I'm glad I exist.”

“Quoting from Phillip MoffittWill Yoga and Meditation Really Change My Life?The most profound change I’m aware of just now is a growing realization that life is not personal. This may seem a surprising or even strange view to those unfamiliar with Eastern spirituality, but it has powerful implications. It’s very freeing to see that events in my life are arising because of circumstances in which I am not involved, but that I’m not at the center of them in any particular way. They’re impersonal. They’re arising because of causes and conditions. They are not “me.” There is a profound freedom in this. It makes life much more peaceful and harmonious because I’m not in reaction to events all the time. (134)”