“I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.”

“I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead.”

“In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.”

“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.”

“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”

“I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot”

“Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison." — "If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists”