“Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college,”

“There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.”

“It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.”

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”

“Drama is like meat and three veg. Whereas comedy is like the merangue at the end.”

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”