Debra Anastasia

“Eve took a deep breath. “Mouse didn’t make it.” She stood next to Beckett, looking up at the canopy of dark leaves.“I don’t believe you. Fuck that shit! He’s bulletproof. He’s fucking bulletproof. Let me see him.” Beckett hadn’t moved.”

“Kyle, I was so afraid.” Cole lifted his head from the comfort of her bosom to see her face again.She smoothed back his wild, knotted hair. “It’s you. It’s you. It’s you.”A crowd in the doorway interrupted their loving revelation. Nurse Susan stormed into the room.Cole ignored them all and kissed Kyle’s sleepy lips. “I love you, Kyle. Thank you for being alive. They didn’t hurt you, did they?”Kyle sighed. “They hurt me so much when they took you, Cole. That’s the worst pain on earth. The worst.” Kyle kissed his forehead and ran her hands over his back. “I’m your shadow. I love you too.”

“The glistening beauty of the rising moon illuminated Mouse’s bare chest and revealed a familiar tattoo with a music note, a cross, and a knife. But in this case, Chaos’ mark featured an addition. The knitting needles fit perfectly into the montage of brotherhood.Patterns.But this pattern had to come to an end.”

“His miraculous hand went higher still, past his head. He stretched it as far as it would go and pointed it in the direction of the glow he’d seen from the parking lot. Mouse pointed to where he believed Blake might be. Just in case you need it, boss.”

“He knew now that he was going to die. But he had one last mission from Beckett. I have to finish this.The man leaned in close, and Mouse jabbed his arm out and up, thrilled to see the speed his hand provided for his final act as Beckett’s bodyguard.All three were dead. I did it, Beckett. I saved your brother.”

“Mouse adored Eve. If he could admit it to himself, he had a bit of a crush on her. But he never would—that would feel traitorous. He would never be that. Fucking Merkin.”

“A lot had to go wrong for this evening to turn out right.”

“As he drove, Beckett’s eyes found the beautiful, fierce soul next to him. She bit her lip and watched his face like it was a TV.Beckett curled his lip into a sneer. Thank the fuck outta you, he told her silently.Eve’s eyebrow rose in return. You’re welcome.“Baby, I want to take you far from here. I’m going to take you where the water’s as blue as your fucking eyes.” Beckett leaned in for a tender kiss, with one eye on the road. “I’m going to take you there as soon as this is over.”

“He wanted three miracles tonight. It was the prayer of a devil. How dare he even ask? But Beckett had no shame. The thought of Blake walking around with a trail of trained killers behind him stopped his heart.”

“Cole leaned in for a back-pounding and murmured in Beckett’s ear. “Blake and I need you alive too. Don’t forget that.”

“Beckett wrapped his arm around the one Cole offered him. “Bro, go to Kyle. Stay out of this next fight. I won’t be able to deal with you behind me and Blake in front of me. You can’t ask me to decide which one of you to defend first. Please, Cole. Give me peace of mind.”

“Beckett turned to his brother. “Cole, take the bike and go to Kyle in the hospital. You need to be with her. Keep an eye on Livia too.”

“Be safe, Beckett. And forgive me.”

“Beckett wanted only to get his brother on the motorcycle and out of Dodge. He’d refused to discuss his own options, and Eve didn’t see a whole lot of opportunity for Beckett to get out alive—no matter how well she picked off the enemy. Beckett was ready to martyr himself for brotherhood and past mistakes.”

“Save Cole,” Beckett told her as he straddled the motorcycle. “I don’t intend to put my life at a premium, so no matter what happens, just get him out.”

“They hashed out a plan that was a little unlikely, very determined, and mostly crazy and headed for the warehouse.”

“Safe! All I wanted to do was keep them safe. How do you protect your brothers at eight-fucking-teen? How do you make enough money, get enough respect to do that? I wasn’t smart, Eve. I’m a big, dumb fucking bastard. I couldn’t even get a job as a bagger at the A&P. I wanted to make their lives worth living. That’s what they’d done for me—made my life worth living. They’re my family. I can’t…I just can’t.” Beckett pounded his chest.“They would’ve been better off without me,” he continued. “Blake would still be homeless, but Cole made his own damn way. But I wanted in. I wanted to belong. I was too fucking selfish to walk away. I should have walked away. But I didn’t and now—” Beckett choked on a deep, angry sob. “Now, they’re paying for it. All my stupid decisions. They’ll die tonight. They’ll both die, and I can’t stop it. I can’t plug it with money. I can’t bring them back from the dead, even if I act tough or kill more people.”

“Damn, girl, you type so shitastically fast. You should be a fucking secretary or something.”

“She felt Blake behind her, just where he’d been the first day they’d spoken. She wanted to tear out her heart and hand it to him, so he’d know she hadn’t meant to hurt him. But first she had to get them out of danger.”

“You will stop. Now.” If she could have killed with words, four bodies would be lying in the clearing.”

“Deeper into the woods, the inky black threatened to engulf her tiny beam of light. But everything was so clear in its path. Within that beam, she and Blake had danced in the club, twirling in the corner. She had felt his white shirt under her fingers. She had kissed the hollow of his neck. He had touched her so gently, and when his eyes sparked with a naughty idea, he’d tightened his hold on her. Blake.”

“Livia put a hand over her mouth and leaned against the wall. All hell was breaking loose, and Blake was out in the open, hurt. It was all her fault.”

“Mouse of Billy from the good ol’ days of getting the crap tortured out of him every day. Merkin would die a painful death if Mouse got to him first.”

“He tried not to think about his Grandma’s opinion of whores and drugs. He could only believe in the pattern he’d learned from Beckett—a pattern of respect and kindness.”

“Mouse shook his head and locked eyes with Beckett. “He can make fun of my voice all he wants, but if he ever calls you stupid again, I’ll eat his brains for breakfast.”

“One of the dirt bags laughed and mimicked Mouse’s high voice. “Beckett, you’re stupider than I thought if you hire this bastard.”He grabbed the asshole by the throat. “Don’t make that mistake again, fuckbag.”Beckett lifted an eyebrow at the man in Mouse’s grasp. “Last time you’ll make fun of his voice, huh?”

“He smiled at Billy’s friends. “I got more where that came from. Never do that shit again.” He found Mouse’s eyes. “Jimmy, you hold your head high.”That moment changed Mouse.”

“Even though his voice kept its squeakiness, he never forgot to hold his head high. Beckett had paid dearly to defend him, so he made it count.”

“Beckett grabbed Billy by the jaw. “If you ever touch Jimmy again, I’ll kill you. It’s that simple.”

“It was a denim jacket. With this cover in place, Mouse hastily got his pants back in order. Instead of a teacher, as he’d expected, the new kid, Beckett Taylor, had bestowed dignity upon him.”

“Jimmy, you are small now. I know that. But your heart, so big. Don’t let them hurt your heart. You are big to me.”

“I will not let you lose your family. I won’t let it happen to you.” Eve’s hands circled his big, tense neck.He shook his head and let out a defeated breath. “I’m so sorry, Eve. I can’t even…Well, now I guess I can imagine what I did to you—just a little.”Her words had hurt him, knocked him down. That’s not what she’d intended. She would have to lay it out.“Beckett, I’ll save you from that fate because I love you. I love you.” She let her hands slip to his chest.His heart. His beautiful heart, surrounded by thorns, guns, and pain.”

“We’re here together. We’ll get him back. I promise you,” Eve said. “Merkin has no idea I’m with you. I’ve practiced killing for years, and tonight I’m going to use everything I’ve learned to save Cole. Do you believe me?”

“Silence.Then the night echoed with Beckett’s anguished wail. “NOT MY BROTHERS!”

“He felt no relief. He felt no closure. He knew then he would have to leave Poughkeepsie. He’d go very far away so he wouldn’t be tempted to come back.”

“When your lips move, it makes me want to take my pants off right here.” Beckett went in for a kiss.”

“EVE, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE THE HELL OUT OF YOU. YOU’RE ONE CRAZY BITCH!”

“But Beckett never flinched. She felt his throat vibrate as he sighed her name with relief. He tilted his head back until it rested on hers.“Don’t ever die in my head again. Please, never again,” he told her, his voice raspy.”

“He tried to remember the feel of her hand when she’d shaken his. “I’m Livia McHugh. It’s nice to meet you.”Smoke poured from the cardboard as he remembered his response. “Blake Hartt. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He’d said his name, but what he’d been thinking was: She touched me. I am someone. I count.”

“Blake had told Beckett all about her and the kiss.“Good for fucking you,” Beckett said, pounding him on the back. “If I told you once, I told you a million times: you’re a handsome motherfucker. I’m almost gay for you.”

“Hasn’t life taught me well enough? Love is not mine to find. I’m a fool. Damn it to hell.”

“Eve. That torpedo mind-fuck sex was outrageous and fantastically titillating. Titi-fuck-illating. But there was something else as well. Emotional, a small voice in Beckett’s head suggested. Connected. Well, shit. That seemed just about right. Definitely something new.”

“He squeezed her hand back and made a sour face. “I hate when you use logic against me. It takes my knees out.”

“That’s because it was the right thing to do. You followed your heart, even though it might get broken. You let it lead you to the path. I’ve found my path, Dad. Blake’s someone I’ll never regret. I can’t promise how it’ll turn out, but my heart can’t make any other choice.”

“Blake’s not a nightmare. I love him, Dad. I love him. Let’s keep that straight.” Livia felt her hackles rise.”

“She watched with a crashing surge of pride as he reached up and pulled the mask off—he was in full sunlight. The orangey red light of the setting sun outlined him. Poughkeepsie’s dusk set the mood. No matter how much Blake healed, Livia had a feeling nighttime would always be their favorite. He disappeared from view, but she knew he was strong. So much stronger so much sooner than she could ever have hoped.”

“He seemed to be drinking in her face, looking at her instead of into her.“Stop. Stop that. This isn’t goodbye.”Blake pulled her left hand to his mouth and kissed her ring finger. “I’m still glad it’s empty. He never deserved you. Of that, I’m very sure.”Livia saw moisture in his eyes. “You’re saying goodbye. No. Here’s what I’m sure of. I’ll walk away from this house right now, wearing only what I have on my back and be happy. With you I can taste forever—it’s right here.” Livia pointed at her lips and then kissed his.Blake allowed the kiss, but mumbled a question as well, “How many shotguns does he have?”“Not enough to get me away from you.” Livia traced his jaw.Blake took her hand and kissed her palm, then her forehead, “Livia, go in there and let him talk to you. He’s a father. I’d want to talk to my daughter at a moment like this. Let’s give him that respect.”“I will not go in there. Where will you go?” Livia felt a gentle tug on her heart. She was torn. She wanted to comfort her dad and get him to understand who Blake was, but in as little time as possible so she could get back to Blake.“My inamorata, you know where I’ll be: where I’ll always be. Waiting. For you.” Blake began putting the mask on.Livia looked around wildly, feeling close to irrational. “I don’t want you to go.” These words were inadequate to express her need.Blake smoothed her hair away from her face. “I’ve often wished I had a father. Let me help him be that. He needs you to himself for a just a little while.”Livia’s love for her dad gave her the strength to step back and nod. She stood on the porch and watched Blake’s retreating form. Every once in a while he turned to wave, and just before he reached the end of her street, he stopped to look at her. Neither of them waved this time.”

“Blake turned to John. “I know you already know this, Mr. McHugh, but your daughter is the most exceptional person I’ve ever had the honor of meeting. She’s a testament to your dedication as a parent.” He squeezed Livia’s hand back.”

“Livia squeezed his hand. I’m not letting you go.”

“He looked at her, but he was only a shadow now. Livia gave him a warning look. He shook his head sadly and in total defeat. Standing in the house of a man who’d brought him food, with his daughter holding his hand, seemed to break some sort of honor code for Blake.Livia felt her heart beating in her ears. “Don’t give up on me. Please,” she said softly.”