Janet Evanovich

“I checked my pocketbook to make sure I had the essentials... beeper, tissues, hair spray, flashlight, cuffs, lipstick, gun with bullets, recharged cell phone, recharged stun gun, hairbrush, gum, pepper spray, nail file. Was I a kick-ass bounty hunter, or what?"(Three to get deadly)Janet evanovich”

“It was Lorraine in her nightie and Mo in his cap. They'd just settled their brains for a long winter's nap in front of the television. When out in the lot there arose such a clatter, they sprang from their recliners to see what was the matter. Away to the window they flew like a flash, tore open the blinds and threw up the sash. And what to their wondering eyes should appear, but Stephanie Plum and yet another of her cars burning front to rear.”

“Adaptation is one of the great advantages to being born and bred in Jersey. We're simply not bested by bad air or tainted water. We're like that catfish with lungs. Take us out of our environment and we can grow whatever body parts we need to survive. After Jersey the rest of the country's a piece of cake. You want to send someone into a fallout zone? Get him from Jersey. He'll be fine.”

“These are desparate times." - Stephanie Plum”

“Nothing Personal? You've harrassed my mother, stolen my car, and now you're telling people I've gotten you pregnant! In my opinion, getting someone pregnant is pretty fucking personal! Jesus, isn't it enough I'm accused of murder? What are you the bounty hunter from hell?”

“I don't know much about cars," Joyce said, "but I think someone took my engine.”

“It was a weird sensation. Like getting caught eavesdropping, or lying, or sitting on the toilet and having the bathroom walls suddenly drop away.”

“Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies.”

“Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn’t he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster’s cage was clean, I’d be happy to oblige.”

“And from where I was sitting his ass looked like little Bear's bed...not too hard, and not too soft, but just right.”

“I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur”

“Nice dress. Take it off.”

“Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.”

“Diesel was about to place the cockroach on the casket, and my purse rocked out with “Thriller” again. “Excuse me,” I said. And I answered my phone. “I’m beginning to appreciate Hatchet,” Wulf said to Diesel. Diesel smiled. “She has her moments. And she makes cupcakes.” I disconnected and stuffed my phone into my pocket. “Well?” Diesel asked. “It was Glo. Her broom ran away again.” “I would appreciate it if we could get on with this without more interruption,” Wulf said in his eerily quiet voice, his eyes riveted on mine. “Lighten up,” I said to Wulf. “Glo lost her broom again. This is a big deal for her. And what have we got here anyway…a dead guy and a Stone. Do you think they can wait for three minutes longer?” Diesel gave a bark of laughter, and Wulf looked like her was trying hard not to sigh. - Diesel, Lizzy, and Wulf, page 306-307.”

“Did you bring the charms?” Wulf asked Diesel. Diesel took the charms from his pocket and held them in his palm so Wulf could see. “They have an excellent selection of baby carriages at Target,” I whispered to Diesel. “Not now,” Diesel said. “Get a grip.” “Was I bad? DO I need to get punished? Maybe I need a good paddling.” Wulf looked like he was thinking about rolling his eyes, and Diesel wrapped an arm around my shoulders and dragged me to him. “We’ll get to that later,” Diesel said. “I’d be happy to paddle the wench if you’re too bust.” Hatchet said. Diesel cut his eyes to him, and Hatchet took a step back. -Lizzy, Diesel, and Hatchet, page 304.”

“Diesel rocked back on his heels and grinned at the monkey. “Carl?” “Eep!” The monkey stood, squinted at Diesel, and gave him the finger. “Looks like you know each other,” I said. “Our paths crossed in Trenton,” Diesel said. “How did he get here?” “Monkey Rescue,” Glo told him. “He was abandoned.” “Figures,” Diesel said. The monkey gave him the finger again. “Does he do that all the time?” I asked Diesel. “Not all the time.” “I got him by mistake,” Glo said. “And now we don’t know what to do with him.” “You could turn him loose and let him go play in traffic.” Diesel said. - Lizzy, Shirley, Diesel, and Carl, pages 132-134.”

“What are you doing back at the bakery?” I asked [Diesel]. “Did you know Wulf was here?” “No. I knew food was here.”

“I'd slept with Ranger! Not sexually, of course. But I'd been in his bed. And then there was the evil shower gel. "It was all because of the shower gel," I said. Morelli's eyes narrowed. "Shower gel?" I made a major effort not to sigh. "Long story. You probably don't want to hear it.”

“I wanted to tell you I....uh, like you." Shit. I chickened out! What was it with me that I couldn't say the big L word? I am such a dope. Morelli sighed into the phone. "You are such a dope.”

“Morelli grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me to him, and kissed me. It was a great kiss, but I didn't know what the heck it meant. It seemed to me a breaking up kiss would have had less tongue.”

“You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you.""You are such a cop.""Tell me about it.”

“I like my nuts," Mooner said. "I don't want them cut off. I'd be, like, nutless then.”

“If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk," I said to Ranger. "Not drunk," Ranger said. "Just relaxed and naked.”

“Ranger clicked his penlight on. "Hang onto me if you can't see." I curled my hand into the back of his cargo pants just above his gun belt. "I'm good to go."He was still for a beat. "You could have held on to my jacket," he said. "Would you rather I do that?""No. Not even a little.”

“You're such a cupcake.”

“I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.”

“I thought you wanted to date other women?""I didn't want to date other women. We decided in the heat of the moment that were no longer exclusively attached.""And I could date other men."Morelli was starting to look annoyed. "Have you been dating other men?""Maybe.""As long as it isn't Ranger," Morelli said. "I don't think Ranger dates.”

“Are we fighting?" I asked Morelli."No. Were discussing.""Are you sure?""Am I yelling?" Morelli asked. "Is my face purple? Are the cords on my neck standing out? Am I waving my arms around?""No.""The were not fighting.”

“Were really screwed up, aren't we?""In a very large way.”

“Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.”

“You don't have a drop of paint on you," I said. "Why is that?"Ranger smiled, liking that he hadn't gotten hit. "I guess they were hunting pussy.""But I walked into the Motherfuckers room.""Yeah, but babe, your clearly pussy.”

“There were two doors that opened off the hallway. The doors were labeled PUSSY and MOTHERFUCKERS. "I'm taking the Motherfuckers door," I said to Ranger. "No way. That's my door.""Well, I'm sure as hell not taking the Pussy door.”

“I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.”

“Pete- What does a woman want out of marriage?Louisa- Undying devotion and a warm place to put her cold feet when she gets into bed at night.”

“Cupcake , you've been breaking my heart for as long as I've known you”

“It wasn't my fault.”

“Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early."-Ranger”

“Ranger picked up and there was a moment of silence as if he was sensing me at the other end, taking my body temperature and heart rate long distance. “Babe,” he finally said. “Do you know the slum apartment building Bobby Sunflower owns on Stark?” “Yes. It’s on the same block as his funeral home.” “That’s the one. I’m going in to look for someone. If you don’t hear from me in a half hour maybe you could send someone to check.” “Is this a smart thing to do?” “Probably not.” “As long as you know,” Ranger said. And he disconnected.”

“Holy bejeezus,” Lula said, eyes bugged out, looking at the building. “This is scaring the crap out of me. This is like where Dracula would live if he didn’t have any money and was a crack-head. I bet it’s filled with rabid bats and killer snakes and hairy spiders as big as dinner plated.”

“I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness. “I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look,” Morelli said. “It’s floor,” I told him. “I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.”

“And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert.”

“Jamie felt as though her heart would literally take flight from her crest. Damn her and her mouth. “Nick, I was sort of exaggerating about how nasty I was going to act of the plane. Why can’t we just leave Fleas with Max and get going?” “She’s lying, Nick,” Max said. “You don’t do things her way and she turns into Satan’s daughter.”

“He doesn’t look very smart,” Diesel said. “He’s not even giving me the finger.” “Can monkey’s do that?” Hal asked. Carl gave him the finger. “Cool!” Hal said.”

“Stephanie Plum, off-road warrior. Now this was the way it should be, I thought. Taking action. Hauling ass in the woods behind Diesel. Well, okay – truthfully, I wanted to be in front of Diesel. I wanted to ride point, lead the charge, be the big kahuna. Unfortunately, Diesel was the one who’d memorized the aerial map. And he was supposedly the one with super senses. ‘Big whoop-de-do, super senses,’ I said. ‘I heard that,’ Diesel yelled back to me. ‘No, you didn’t.’ ‘Yes. I did.”

“Ranger’s gonna hate this,” Tank said. “Better to get shot than to have to explain the gate. Bad enough I got a horse that smells like his shower gel.”

“Am I to assume you would rather not have us as clients?"
 "Let me think about that for a nanosecond," Dickie said. "Yes! Last time you were in my office you tried to kill me."
 "That's an exaggeration. Maim you, yes. Kill you, probably not."
”

“Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. “If you’re looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you’d be with me this morning.” “Did he make you take a blood oath that you’d protect me?” “He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.”

“I hung my head. Ranger was next on the list. “Yo,” Ranger said when he answered. “Small problem.” “No kidding. Your car just went off the screen.” “It sort of burned up.” Silence. “And you know that keypad you gave me? It was in the car.” “Babe.”

“Omygod, I haven’t got years. I’ll have to hide in the Bat Cave.”“Once you go to the Bat Cave it’s forever, babe.”Eeek.”

“I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.”