Matt Groening

“Lisa, I apologize to you, I was wrong, I take it all back. Always be yourself. If you want to be sad, honey, be sad. We’ll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad, we’ll still be there. From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us.”

“One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert by a guy named Scrunchie!”

“Your lyrics lack subtlety! You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!”

“You watched it! You can't unwatch it!”

“Si vas a hacer trampa, hazla con todas tus fuerzas”

“I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.Homer Simpson”

“[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party. [Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested.”

“When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.”

“Judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.”

“No matter how good you are at something there's always about a million people better than you.”

“Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon."Lisa Simpson”

“I promise I'll do anything for you, especialy if it's easy.Homer Simpson”

“When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!" (Homer Simpson)”

“I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?”

“Did you hear something?""No.""Did I hear something?""...I don't know...”

“I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicans for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.”

“Painted on shirts went over so well I thought, why not painted on pants? Well, the big shot manager at Krusty Burger didn't agree!”

“But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism!”

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.”

“A lot of our writers, like Conan O'Brien, moved on to other things”

“D'OH!”

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.'Homer Simpson”

“Well, most grown-ups forget what it was like to be a kid. I vowed that I would never forget.”

“Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's part of it. It means being yourself, not just complying with the wishes of other people.”

“To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems”

“Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same."--Reverend Lovejoy”

“Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons."--Mr. Burns”

“I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth."Homer Simpson”

“You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."Homer Simpson”

“This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!"Homer Simpson”

“Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."--Leonard Nimoy”

“You toyed with my heart, like it was a toy heart. (Lisa Simpson)”

“The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid.”

“I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!”

“I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. ”

“Welcome to Suckersville, man.”

“Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you!— Russ Cargill”

“I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.”

“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.”

“Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called "making love". Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said "sex is good". All available evidence, however, points to the contrary.”

“Keep your expectations tiny you'll go through life not so whiney.”

“English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.”

“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”