Shel Silverstein

“I believe that if you don’t want to do anything, then sit there and don’t do it, but don’t expect people to hand you a corn beef sandwich and wash your socks for you.”

“And all the colors I am inside have not been invented yet.”

“I was hoping that perhaps I could roll with you...""You cannot roll with me," said the Big O, "but perhaps you can roll by yourself.”

“If you want to marry me, here's what you'll have to do:You must learn how to make a perfect chicken-dumpling stew.And you must sew my holey socks,And soothe my troubled mind,And develop the knack for scratching my back,And keep my shoes spotlessly shined.And while I rest you must rake up the leaves,And when it is hailing and snowingYou must shovel the walk...and be still when I talk,And-hey-where are you going?”

“If you're nasty, I won't fight.If you're rough, well that's just you.If you're mean, that's alright too.Whatever you are is all okay.I don't like you anyway.”

“I opened my eyesAnd looked up at the rain,And it dripped in my headAnd flowed into my brain,And all that I hear as I lie in my bedIs the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.I step very softly,I walk very slow,I can't do a handstand--I might overflow,So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.”

“When I am gone what will you do?Who will write and draw for you?Someone smarter--someone new?Someone better--maybe YOU!”

“Although I cannot see your faceAs you flip these poems awhile,Somewhere from some far-off placeI hear you laughing--and I smile.”

“Do a loony-goony dance 'Cross the kitchen floor, Put something silly in the world That ain't been there before.”

“Since my fried left me,I've got nothing to do but walking.I walk to forget.I walk,I escape,I get further.My friend will not come back,now I am a marathon man.”

“...Just 'cause somethin' ain't been doneDon't mean it can't be did...”

“Larry’s such a liar---He tells outrageous lies.He says he’s ninety-nine years oldInstead of only five.He says he lives up on the moon,He says that he once flew.He says he’s really six feet fourInstead of three feet two.He says he has a billion dollars‘Stead of just a dime.He says he rode a dinosaurBack in some distant time.He says his mother is the moonWho taught him magic spells.He says his father is the windThat rings the morning bells.He says he can take stones and rocksAnd turn them into gold.He says he can take burnin’ fireAnd turn it freezin’ cold.He said he’d send me seven elvesTo help me with my chores.But Larry’s such a liar---He only sent me four.”

“A spider lives inside my headWho weaves a strange and wondrous webOf silken threads and silver stringsTo catch all sorts of flying things,Like crumbs of thoughts and bits of smilesAnd specks of dried-up tears,And dust of dreams that catch and clingFor years and years and years...”

“Yes, I'm adopted.My folks were not blessedWith me in the usual way.But they picked me,They chose meFrom all the rest,Which is lots more than most kids can say.”

“I didn't do itThat's a lieI didn't do itNo, not II didn't do itHear me cryI didn't do itHope to dieI didn't do itI'm not that badBut if I did...Would you be mad?”

“We can't hold hands―Someone might see.Won't you pleaseHold toes with me?”

“And the boy loved the tree.......very much. And the tree was happy.”

“Oh, I'm being eatenBy a boa constrictor,A boa constrictor,A boa constrictor,I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor,And I don't like it--one bit.Well, what do you know?It's nibblin' my toe.Oh, gee,It's up to my knee.Oh my,It's up to my thigh.Oh, fiddle,It's up to my middle.Oh, heck,It's up to my neck.Oh, dread,It's upmmmmmmmmmmffffffffff . . .”

“And after a long time the boy came back again. "I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you- My apples are gone." "My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy. "My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing on them-" "I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy. "My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb-" "I am too tired to climb," said the boy. "I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something... but I have nothing left. I am an old stump. I am sorry...""I don't need very much now," said the boy, "just a quiet pleace to sit and rest. I am very tired." "Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "well, an old stump is a good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."And the boy did.And the tree was happy.”

“She had blue skin,And so did he.He kept it hidAnd so did she.They searched for blueTheir whole life through,Then passed right by-And never knew.”

“Talked my head offWorked my tail offCried my eyes outWalked my feet offSang my heat outSo you see, There's really not much left of me.”

“If you're sloppy, that's just fine.If you're moody, I won't mind.If you're fat, that's fine with me.If you're skinny, let it be.If you're bossy, that's all right.if you're nasty, I won't fight.If you're rough, well that's just you.If you're mean, that's all right too.Whatever you are is all okay.I don't like you anyway.”

“The Yesees said yes to anythingThat anyone suggested.The Noees said no to everythingUnless it was proven and tested.So the Yesees all died of much too muchAnd the Noees all died of fright,But somehow I think the ThinkforyourselfeesAll came out all right.”

“Don’t know where he’s going but sees where he’s been.”

“There are no happy endings.Endings are the saddest part, So just give me a happy middleAnd a very happy start.”

“So what if nobody came? I’ll have all the ice cream and tea, And I’ll laugh with myself, And I’ll dance with myself, And I’ll sing, “Happy Birthday to me!”

“One sister for sale,One sister for sale,One crying and spying young sister for saleI'm really not kidding so who'll start the biddingDo I hear a dollar?A nickle?A penny?Oh isnt there isnt there isnt there anyOne person who will buy this sister for saleThis crying spying old young sister for sale.”

“Whatever you are is all okay.I don't like you anyway.”

“Underneath my outside faceThere's a face that none can see.A little less smiley,A little less sure,But a whole lot more like me.”

“Rockabye Baby, in the treetopDont you know a treetopis no safe place to rock?And who put you up there,and your cradle too?Baby,I think someone down herehas got it in for you!”

“Thanksgiving dinner's sad and thankless. Christmas dinner's dark and blue. When you stop and try to see it From the turkey's point of view.Sunday dinner isn't sunny. Easter feasts are just bad luck. When you see it from the viewpoint of a chicken or a duck. Oh how I once loved tuna salad Pork and lobsters, lamb chops too Till I stopped and looked at dinner From the dinner's point of view.”

“Sarah Cynthia Sylvia StoutWould not take the garbage out!She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans,Candy the yams and spice the hams,And though her daddy would scream and shout,She simply would not take the garbage out.And so it piled up to the ceilings:Coffee grounds, potato peelings,Brown bananas, rotten peas,Chunks of sour cottage cheese.It filled the can, it covered the floor,It cracked the window and blocked the doorWith bacon rinds and chicken bones,Drippy ends of ice cream cones,Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel,Gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal,Pizza crusts and withered greens,Soggy beans and tangerines,Crusts of black burned buttered toast,Gristly bits of beefy roasts. . .The garbage rolled on down the hall,It raised the roof, it broke the wall. . .Greasy napkins, cookie crumbs,Globs of gooey bubble gum,Cellophane from green baloney,Rubbery blubbery macaroni,Peanut butter, caked and dry,Curdled milk and crusts of pie,Moldy melons, dried-up mustard,Eggshells mixed with lemon custard,Cold french fried and rancid meat,Yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat.At last the garbage reached so highThat it finally touched the sky.And all the neighbors moved away,And none of her friends would come to play.And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said,"OK, I'll take the garbage out!"But then, of course, it was too late. . .The garbage reached across the state,From New York to the Golden Gate.And there, in the garbage she did hate,Poor Sarah met an awful fate,That I cannot now relateBecause the hour is much too late.But children, remember Sarah StoutAnd always take the garbage out!”

“Knock! knock!who's there?me!me who?that's right?what's right?meehoo!that's what I want to know!what's what you want to know?me who?yes, exactly!exactly what?yes, I have exactlywatt on a chain!exactly what on a chain?yes!yes what?no, exactlywatt!that's what I want to know!I told you-exactlywatt!exactly what?yes!yes what?yes it's with me.what's with you?exactlywatt-that's what with me.me who?yes!go away!knock knock...”

“Teddy said it was a hat, So I put it on. Now dad is saying, "where the heck's the toilet plunger gone?”

“And the tree was happy”

“And he didn't really know where he was going, but he did know he was going somewhere, because you really have to go somewhere, don't you?”

“... and she loved a boy very, very much-- even more than she loved herself.”

“Oh I'm lookin' for my missin' piece I'm lookin' for my missin' piece Hi-dee-ho, here I go, Lookin' for my missin' piece”

“Ourchestra:So you haven't got a drum, just beat your belly.So I haven't got a horn-I'll play my nose.So we haven't any cymbals-We'll just slap our hands together,And though there may be orchestrasThat sound a little betterWith their fancy shiny instrumentsThat cost an awful lot-Hey, we're making music twice as goodBy playing what we've got!”

“Eighteen luscuios scrumpitous flavors,Chocolate,Lime and CherryCoffee,Pumpkin, Fudge-Banana,Caramel Cream and boysenberry.Rocky Road and Toasted Almond, Butterscotch,Vanilla Dip, Butter Brinkle,Apple Ripple,Coconut,and Mocha Chip, Brandy Peach and Lemon Custard.Each scoop lovely.smooth and round. Tallest cream cone in town lying there on the ground.”

“Ma and God God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Use your fork."God gave us voices--Ma says, "Don't scream."Ma says eat broccoli, cereal and carrots.But God gave us tasteys for maple ice cream.God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Use your hanky."God gave us puddles--Ma says, "Don't splash."Ma says, "Be quiet, your father is sleeping."But God gave us garbage can covers to crash.God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Put your gloves on."God gave us raindrops--Ma says, "Don't get wet."Ma says be careful, and don't get too near toThoses strange lovely dogs that God gave us to pet.God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Go wash 'em."But God gave us coal bins and nice dirty bodies.And I ain't too smart, but there's one thing for certain--Either Ma's wrong or else God is.”

“If you are a dreamer come in”

“Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."And the boy did. And the tree was happy.”

“The bridge will only take you halfway there, to those mysterious lands you long to see. Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fair, and moonlit woods where unicorns run free. So come and walk awhile with me and share the twisting trails and wondrous worlds I've known. But this bridge will only take you halfway there. The last few steps you have to take alone.”

“Just Me, Just MeSweet Marie, she loves just me(She also loves Maurice McGhee).No she don't, she loves just me(She also loves Louise Dupree).No she don't, she loves just me(She also loves the willow tree).No she don't, she loves just me!(Poor, poor fool, why can't you seeShe can love others and still love thee.)”

“The VoiceThere is a voice inside of youThat whispers all day long,"I feel this is right for me,I know that this is wrong."No teacher, preacher, parent, friendOr wise man can decideWhat's right for you--just listen toThe voice that speaks inside.”

“The Little Boy and the Old ManSaid the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."Said the old man, "I do that too."The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."I do that too," laughed the little old man.Said the little boy, "I often cry."The old man nodded, "So do I."But worst of all," said the boy, "it seemsGrown-ups don't pay attention to me."And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.I know what you mean," said the little old man.”

“If there is a book you want to read but isn`t written yet,write it.”

“If you were only one inch tall, you'd ride a worm to school.The teardrop of a crying ant would be your swimming pool.A crumb of cake would be a feastAnd last you seven days at least,A flea would be a frightening beastIf you were one inch tall.If you were only one inch tall, you'd walk beneath the door,And it would take about a month to get down to the store.A bit of fluff would be your bed,You'd swing upon a spider's thread,And wear a thimble on your headIf you were one inch tall.You'd surf across the kitchen sink upon a stick of gum.You couldn't hug your mama, you'd just have to hug her thumb.You'd run from people's feet in fright,To move a pen would take all night,(This poem took fourteen years to write--'Cause I'm just one inch tall).”

“Ricky was "L" but he's home with the flu,Lizzie, our "O," had some homework to do,Mitchell, "E" prob'ly got lost on the way,So I'm all of the love that could make it today.”