Sherrilyn Kenyon

“Follow me down before anyone else gets show. Especially before I get shot, ‘cause that would just ruin an otherwise nice day. (Jack)”

“Hard to argue with a woman, period. Only time a man wins with one of them is when the woman is either on TV or dead. (Jack)”

“You’re not weird, are you? (Jack)Not particularly, no. (Syd)Well, good. I got enough weirdness for the lot of us. Don’t want to share it. (Jack)”

“You’re not expecting, are you? (Jack)No! (Syd)Good, ‘cause there’s enough radon down there to give a fetus three heads. I don’t want to be responsible for none of that. I only believe in corruption the ones what come out of the womb and grow to at least five feet in height. (Jack)”

“You’re not pregnant, are you? (Jack)What would make you think that? (Syd)Barefoot. Pregnant. Them things go hand in hand, ‘cause them pregnant women have feet that can swell up to ten times their normal size. (Jack)”

“He’s out there waiting for us. We his the street, and we’re ducks in a barrel. (Steele)Isn’t that fish in a barrel? (Syd)Don’t fuck with my metaphors right now, Syd. Can’t you see that I’m under stress? (Steele)”

“Where’s he shooting from? (Syd)I don’t know. You want to go look out the window and tell me the answer? (Steele)”

“I didn’t know they’d do this to you. (Syd)It’s okay, Syd. Who could have imagined that a man who heads up a company of paid assassins and mercenaries would be psychotic? (Steele)”

“I’ve still got a few things I want to do, like shove my foot so far up the assassin’s ass that he tastes leather for eternity.”

“You wanted me to get a job. Well, that’s their job-screening. I kill him, or he kills me. Winner gets the job. (Steele)You’re kidding. (Syd)Absolutely. I’m not the least bit serious. All of this is one big hallucination. And I’m not sitting over here bleeding to death. But hey, since it’s a hallucination, could you please make my arm stop throbbing because right now it hurts like hell. (Steele)”

“Then why are we being shot at? (Syd)’Cause the sonofabitch can’t tell time. (Steele)”

“Look, there’s nothing I’m ever going to tell you about me that’s the truth. The more you know about me, the shorter your life span is going to be. All you need to know is that I don’t miss. In fact, you don’t even need to know exactly how good I really am, because if you ever find out, you’re going to be dead. (Steele)”

“I don’t like working with people I don’t know. (Randy)Hmmm, let’s see…I cried when Ole Yeller died, but I was young back then. I have a scar on my knee from when Willie Durante knocked me off my bike when I was seven. I beat the shit out of him later, then took his bike and sold it at a pawnshop. Oh, and my favorite color is pink…it’s really soothing. (Steele)”

“You smoke? (Randy)Only when I’m on fire. (Steele)I don’t appreciate your humor, Mr. Steele. (Randy)I’m an acquired taste. (Steele)”

“The Chinese say that you should never, ever buy a used desk unless you know the history of it. They claim that if it belonged to a bad businessman, his karma will befall you. This one here belonged to President Kennedy. So what do you think that means? (Randy)I don’t know, but if I were you, I wouldn’t ride through Dallas in a convertible in November. Bad feng shui. (Steele)”

“Have you ever heard of feng shui? (Randy)Yeah. It’s the ‘put the mirror on your door and sleep in the right direction’ bullshit. (Steele)”

“These were encrypted. They’ll think they’re absolutely safe. (Andre)‘Yeah, and he was three feet tall and green.’ (Steele)”

“When the people who were responsible found out what had happened to Chad and Bobby, they shrugged it off by saying that’s what the deserved for harvesting lobsters…yeah, a five-year-old really deserved being blown to pieces over seafood. I hate extremists with a passion. They get so wrapped up in their cause that they think nothing of killing anyone who doesn’t agree with them. (Syd)”

“You see the grandmother down there with her son and grandson? They’ve probably been coming here for years together. Or maybe it’s their first trip. Either way, it’s three generations sitting down together, laying aside their differences for one night to be a family. This is humanity, Steele. This is what we’re fighting for. Family. People. Pride. It’s our differences that make up our strength. BAD isn’t about patriotism. It’s about saving individuals. Not just those in America, but all the ones who are out there going about their lives with little to no care about politics. Men, women, and children who only want to live peacefully while others are looking for ways to use them as pawns in a deadly game they don’t even want to play. (Joe)”

“You know what I love about this place? (Joe)I hope it’s not the décor. (Steele)”

“We all make mistakes, Steele. It’s what we do afterward that defines us more than the actual incident that led to the mistake. (Joe)”

“He scares the shit out of me, and I used to work for people who made Freddie Krueger look like Mr. Rogers. (Carlos)”

“Yeah, you go after her, and I suggest you invest in a steel plated jockstrap. Last guy who said something sexual to her and pissed her off is still limping around the office. (Carlos)”

“Has anyone ever won an argument with you? (Syd)Just Tee, and I was drunk and wounded at the time. (Joe)”

“One tree isn’t more important than the entire forest, Joe. You taught me that. Remember? Political pruning. (Syd)Yeah, but every forest is always destroyed one tree at a time. You take care of those individual trees because each one that falls brings you closer to deforestation. You only prune what’s rotten. You don’t cut down a good tree for no reason. (Joe)”

“How did you escape? (Syd)I fought my way out in a manner that would have made Rambo proud. And when I got home without his body because I couldn’t pull him out without getting myself killed, I got slapped in my face by everyone around me. So don’t talk to me about death, little girl. I wrote the book on it. (Steele)”

“What kind of soldier are you that you’re going to just sit in a cell while the world is thrown into chaos? Do you not understand what could happen if those weapons fall into the wrong hands? How could you be so selfish? (Syd)I’m selfish? Look, Agent Westbrook, your daddy’s a Boston stockbroker. I’m a death broker. I’m sure you don’t lecture Daddy on finance, so don’t even try to lecture me on assassination politics. I know all about them. Some bureaucratic ass-wipe sitting in a pristine office that’s totally isolated from the rest of the world decides the son of King Oomp-Loomp is a threat. He then hands down orders to people like me to go off King Oomp-Loompa’s son. Like an idiot, I do what he says without question. I hunt my target down, using information that is mostly bullshit and unreliable, gathered by someone like you who assured me it was correct as the time. But hey, if it changes minute by minute, and God forbid we pass that along to you. So me and my spotter lie in the grass, sand, or snow for days on end, cramped and hungry, never able to move more than a millimeter an hour until I have that one perfect shot I’ve been waiting for days. I take it, and then we lie there like pieces of dirt until we can inch our way back to safety, where hopefully the helicopter team will remember that they were supposed to retrieve us. Have you any idea of the nerves it takes to do what I do? To lie there on the ground while other armed men search for you? Have them step on you and not be able to even breathe or wince because if you do, it’s not only your life, but the life of your spotter? Do you know what it’s like to have the brains of your best friend spayed into your face and not be able to render aid to him because you know he’s dead and if you do, you’ll be killed too? I have been into the bowels of hell and back, Miz Westbrook. I have stared down the devil and made him sweat. So don’t tell me I don’t take this seriously. (Steele)”

“Look, I don’t care what the Ooga-Boogas do. It sounds like they need a family counselor, not a sniper. (Steele)They’re not Ooga-Boogas, they’re Uhbukistanis. (Syd)Whatever. My personal belief is that we should leave Ooga-Booga Land to the Oomp-Loompas. Let them fight it out with the Snozzwangers, Wangdoogles, and the mean Vermicious Knids. I’d rather go peal carrots with a spoon. (Steele)”

“We’re an equal-opportunity abuser here. (Syd)”

“Not a mark on it. (Joe)Yeah. Wanna check the backseat, where Steele is sitting? I’ll bet there’s a big stain there. (Tee)”

“Where’d you learn to drive? (Steele)Richard Petty’s School of Driving. Had a great instructor there named Steven Norbert who showed me how to dog the shit out of en engine. Why? (Joe)”

“Trust me, Joe. You’re not a cowboy. The only cows you ever saw as a kid came under a plastic wrap in the grocery store or in a paper wrapped from McDonald’s. (Tee)”

“What the hell am I doing in Nashville? What – you want me to shoot Minnie Pearl? (Steele)”

“The sound of the motor lulls him to sleep. (Joe)Great. I always wanted to fly with a narcoleptic pilot. (Steele)”

“Don’t worry if I lay my head back and start to snore while we’re flying. It’s normal. I’m just here in case Jake has a stroke and dies. (Tony)”

“Be that as it may, we do need you in particular to complete this assignment. (Syd)What is it with you government assholes that you just can’t say anything in plain English? You always have to beat around the bush and use euphemisms or fucked-up acronyms for everything. (Steele)Fine. We need you to kill an assassin before he executes his target. Either you eat the bear, or the bear eats you, Mr. Steele. Or, to humor you, in plain English- you find and kill the assassin, or we kill you. End of story. (Syd)”

“We never let our people just go. (Joe)What are you? Wolfram and Hart? (Steele)Oh, no, sweetie, they just take your soul for service. We intend to take even more than that. (Tee)”

“Think Snake Plissken. You know…Escape From New York? You do this job, and if you don’t fuck it up, we let you live. (Joe)Yeah, I’ve seen that movie. At the end they try to kill him anyway. (Steele)Good, then you’re already acquainted with our methods. Saves me a lot of training time and you a low of surprises. (Joe)”

“We’re here with a special offer for you, Mr. Steele. A once-in-a-lifetime type of opportunity. (Joe)Oh, wait, I’ve seen this movie. I do a job for you, and you let me go. So who am I? I can’t be Eddie Murphy, wrong ethnicity. I’m not bald, so I can’t be Vin Diesel. So where does that leave me? (Steele)”

“Ooo, he’s snotty. I like him already. (Tee)”

“That’s– (Guard)Wait. Out. Side. (Joe)(Guard leaves)Thanks. Can’t wait for the walk back. You guys specialize in something other than acid enemas? (Steele)”

“I do know how to operate a computer. (Joe)Yeah, right. What was it you said just ten minutes ago? Get this damned thing off my desk before I shoot it? Now make the call, Mr. Hunt-and-Peck. (Tee)”

“You know, I could fire you. I could even arrange to get you killed. Or kill you myself. (Joe)Ooo, big scary threat. That might hold water if it wasn’t for the fact that I know how much you hate paperwork. (Tee)”

“Only because I’m not a morning person. (Joe)And you’re not a night person either. Face it, babe. You’ve only got two good minutes a day. The minute before noon and the minute right after. (Tee)”

“Why is it when I’m the one shot, I’m a baby, but when it’s you, it’s a matter of life and death and national security? (Joe)Because I’m cuter in a short skirt. (Tee)”

“Who would have ever thought that the best way to save lives was to take one? But then that was what Joe had preached to her from the first day on her job. He even had a name for it. Political pruning. In order to make the tree grow, the dead, diseased, and contaminated limbs had to be removed. If they didn’t fall off on their own, then you had to get the chain saw out and cut them loose. At first she’d been naïve enough to think that she could never be so jaded. But time and missions had finally succeeded in bringing her around to Joe’s way of thinking. (Syd)”

“You are so vicious. (Tee)Hence the nickname. (Syd)You know it’s bad when you make me look like Glinda the Good Witch, right? (Tee)Just call me Elphaba. But don’t drop a house on me, ‘kay? (Syd)”

“Oh, sheez, what’s Syd Vicious doing back in town? (Payne)How’d the testicle retrieval go, Payne? You still limping?...Thought so. I got the thank-you card from Planned Parenthood last week. Seems they want to honor me for saving the gene pool. (Syd)”

“My mission is to kill the bad guy, save the world, and hopefully end up with the girl. (Steele)”

“I prefer to work alone – except in the bedroom. (Steele)”