“I'm fat...I regard that as healthy. Good food wards off disease. - Dr. Erasmus Darwin”

“I'm getting old, thought Eileen Calder. Old and worn out and cynical. And being cynical is a lot worse than being old or worn out.”

“Sometimes I think about dying. And then I wonder about going to hell. And then I think that if and when I go there, the place will be completely organized and run by lost souls, with a council and a works committee and an ethics panel, and I'll feel right at home.”

“Remember, an easy question can have an easy answer. But a hard question must have a hard answer. And for the hardest questions of all, there may be no answer - except faith.”

“A joke was the best barometer for mental weather.”

“with the centenary of 1914 rapidly approaching it is high time to stop regarding the first world war as current affairs and douglas haig as our contemporary”

“i’m very expressive.i deserve to feel pretty.i kissed the blarney stone.i am strong. i am brave.im a good friend. I’m a good sister. I’m a good wife. i am a good in-law. I’m a good daughter. i am a good niece. I’m a good beagle mother. i am a good granddaughter.i work hard for it, honey.im superfly TNT motherfucker.im a pilot of the airwaves.im a better third baseman that brooks robinson.I B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E.i have exceptionally beautiful feet, eyes, ears, hips, hair, teeth, breasts. and shoulders. and fingernails. in a different pen, she added, and eyelashes and eyebrows, plus in yet another pen, and nose. and chin.”