“And as for Martha-I never understood when I was at Ault why she liked me as much as I liked her. Even now, I'm still not sure. I couldn't give back half of what she gave me, and that fact should have knocked off the balance between us, but it didn't, and I don't know why not....But she had liked me before I became likable; that was the confusing part....Martha was the closest friend I'd ever had; I was, as always, preoccupied by the present moment; and I was too young then to understand how simple facts of geography and time can separate people.”
“This desperate aversion to seeming like you wanted anything, or worse, to going after it, stayed with me for years after I left Ault.”
“And now I knew myself to be generous with encouragement only when I either did not want the thing the other person sought or did not believe the person would really get it. It was the opposite of what I aspired to - in the moment of truth, I wanted to be loyal and forthright, reliable, humble, trustworthy. Instead, I was greedy and envious.”
“And it wasn't that you couldn't be friends with a married woman, but you weren't friends in the same way, she didn't have the same freedom i her schedule, especially not after she had children, and even before that, she didn't need you; you needed friendship, and friendship to her was auxiliary, extra.”
“Why?" I demanded of her. "Why bring the child into this? Why not just come straight to me?""Does it matter at this point?"I shrugged. "Not really. I'm curious."She stared at me for a moment and then she smiled. "You don't know."I eyed her warily. "Don't know what?""Dear boy," she said. "This was never about you."I scowled. "I don't understand.""Obviously," Arianna said, and gave me a stunning smile. "Die confused.”
“...if he didn't fully understand where I came from, he understood who I was now -- he knew how well done I liked my steak, knew the color of my toothbrush, the expression I made when I realized I'd forgotten to roll up my car window before it rained.”
“I noticed then that the red-haired woman was buying the food you eat when you live alone: a box of cereal, a few apples, a plastic container of plain yogurt....With an abrupt clarity, I saw how I had been launched into another category. I had been the red-haired woman; for a decade of my adult life, I had bought cereal and yogurt, I'd stood near couples and watched them nuzzle, and now I was part of such a couple. And I would not be launched back, I was certain. But I recognized her life, I knew it so well! I wanted to clasp her freckled hand, to say to her--surely we understood some shared code (or surely not, surely she'd have thought me preposterous)--It's good on the other side, but it's good on your side too. Enjoy it there. The loneliness is harder and the loneliness is the biggest part; but some things are easier.”