“Courage is a vitamin best swallowed with whiskey.”

“I’m a competitor. I once placed fifth in a bottle of whiskey.”

“My uncle's a big drinker. In fact, he just got a liver transplant. They replaced it with a bottle of whiskey.”

“Excuse me, madam, but may I rub my erection up against your buttocks, because I mistakenly took Viagra thinking it was Vitamin C?”

“Your mother, my mother, and mother of pearl walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hello, dad, you look more like whiskey than I remember. Have you been tanning?” To which all three mothers respond, “The French Revolution was the best thing to ever happen inside a croissant the shape of the Fertile Crescent, with a flaky crust like a politician with dandruff.” Of course, when Orafoura told me this joke, I didn’t laugh, because I don’t like jokes involving politics, religion, or mother of pearl.”

“Rage is a big part of courage. So is cou.”

“I’m not nervous, but I have butterflies in my stomach. Or at least I will, because I just swallowed a bunch of caterpillars.”