“Obviousism—I would give you a definition, but the definition would only be an example of the word.”

“If you ask me a multiple part question, and half my answers are yes and half are no, I may just average them together and give you a definitive and vague maybe.”

“If your nipples were on your eyelids, then and only then would I give you eye contact while you are talking to me.”

“If you replace the letter "s" with the letter "x," you can make a lot of plural words naughty. For example, "fences" would become "fencex," and I'd say good fencex makes good neighbors.”

“Webster’s—the original high definition entertainment.”

“I don't like musty smells. I much prefer less definitive fragrances, like the scent of maybe.”

“On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57.”