“The people need to know that the people need to know. And I’m just the man to let them know that they need to know. However, what they need to know, I do not know.”

“I need to call it a night. But only because I don’t know what else to call it. What’s in between evening and morning?”

“I think astronaut's helmets need to have Viking horns affixed to the side, to let any aliens we might encounter know that we came to pillage and probe.”

“A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!
”

“I don’t know what I’ll do until I know what you’ll do. I’m proactive with my preemptive reactive strategy.
”

“When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first taking off my bunny ears.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.
”