“With a tough decision, the act of flipping a coin allows you to figure out which you really prefer, because as the coin is spinning, you find yourself slightly pulling for either heads or tails. No need to follow the coin’s outcome—choose the side your subconscious hoped fate would favor.”

“I would tell you I hope you find what you seek in life, but your problem is you’re not looking. The only looking you do is good looking. But really, you’re not that handsome.”

“Who’d cum first, you or your clone? To find out, why don’t you go fuck yourself?”

“There are two apples, one is green and the other is red. Which apple would the wise man choose? The answer is: I’ll take the one you didn’t choose. You see, you are the fool here, because I poisoned the first apple!”

“The best place to hide gold coins is in a treasure chest filled with those circular chocolates that are coin-sized and wrapped in gold foil. That’ll foil any thief.”

“Your fate is like a new jar of peanut butter. It may be sealed, but you can choose whether it is smooth or crunchy.”

“When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened.”